The COVID years have forced everyone to set high standards for their health and well-being and these standards are not always aligned from person to person. “Since the pandemic, we can no longer ignore the limits,” says Cheyenne. “If you want to wear a mask and someone does not want to wear a mask around you, you really have to wonder if you will be willing to hang out with them or not. Or if you feel comfortable traveling, or need to go to a wedding. You have to have this difficult discussion. “
This debate flared up during the 2020 and 2021 holidays, when many people walked away from large-scale family celebrations in favor of new traditions that honored their COVID limits (whether that meant vaccinations, a COVID-19 negative test, or only for immediate family). These border-focused discussions are bleeding in 2022, and Cheyenne hopes to survive longer than COVID-19 and become an honest part of every relationship in our lives.
“When we enter, we remember that they do not know our limits and we have the opportunity to respond with our limits.” —Yasmine Cheyenne
Look: Talking about your limits is not easy. is a bargain – and practice is the only way to make it (somewhat) perfect. “You will need to talk to the person about whether he or she will be able to meet your limits. And if not, what will the compromise look like?”
While some boundaries need to be rigid – for example, if someone uses harmful language – most boundaries are soft and depend on dialogue. “You can protect yourself and value yourself, while respecting the limits of others. When we start saying no, it ‘s exciting. Like no.” No, no, no, no. “I do not want to do any of these things.” And finally, it’s like, ‘Oh, yes, there are other people here with their own limits,’ “he says.
Boundaries are a continuous dance with the various characters moving in our lives. And, of course, when people violate our boundaries, there is a tendency to confess their intentions to something malicious or indifferent. For example, “this person asked me to work on a pro bono project and I deserve to be paid.” Cheyenne says beware of such reactions. “When we go out, we start attacking and we start projecting,” he says. “When we enter, we remember that they do not know our limits and we have the opportunity to respond with our limits.”
This way, we do not aggravate the breach by placing an untrue stroyline on it. we just set a limit and move on. “When we approach the limits of [a place of calm]”We do not blame people or show them things they would not know, and we remind ourselves that we can impose our limits whenever necessary,” says Cheyenne.
To continue with the example of paid work, this type of conversation might consist of saying, “Hi, I appreciate you thinking about me, but at the moment I’re just taking advantage of paid opportunities.” In this way, you prepare a future relationship with this person who honors your boundaries and invites them to create their own. (It’s just like Thanksgiving 2021, right?)
Overall, your boundaries will be fluid, evolving, and more flexible for some people than others. But talking about them is never “bad”. In fact, it may help you to dig deeper into your relationships. As we have been taught in recent years: Health and well-being are valuable resources and protecting our borders is a profound and essential act of healing.
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