Finding joy during grief is powerful and important - Mon Wellness
Finding joy during grief is powerful and important

Finding joy during grief is powerful and important

ONEAs a psychotherapist, a topic that I often (especially since the onset of the pandemic and the widespread social account with systemic racism in 2020) help patients navigate is how to experience joy in times of sadness — and why it is possible and necessary. Many do not realize that finding joy in times of sorrow is very powerful, and only by understanding this duality can we find pleasure in the pain and power that discovery can offer.

Even so, owning one is still beyond the reach of the average person – it simply came to our notice then. Others think they do not I deserve joy in so much loss and injustice, and therefore lack experiences that can trigger positivity. Well, newsflash: Joy is not something you have to win or it can only come as a result of previous effort and sadness is not something that has to be in a vacuum and consume every moment of your life when you wake up.

Psychological research suggests that two seemingly opposite emotions can occur at the same time. The things in life that bring us the most joy (our silly children, our sexual partners, an incredible sexual experience in our body) can also cause sadness or anger (our stubborn children, our crazy partners, feelings of dissatisfaction with and within our body).

To feel alive does not mean to feel constantly happy or joyful, but rather to create space for whatever is inside you.

With this in mind, it is clear that blurring negative emotions can also mitigate positive ones. To feel alive does not mean to feel constantly happy or joyful, but rather to create space for whatever is inside you. And with the help of some deliberate mental exercises and awareness, you can prepare for success to feel joy — even in the midst of sorrow. Some joy suppressors may allow sadness to take up a lot of space in your life, but some joy facilitators can help you deal with it.

Below, learn about several of these inhibitors and facilitators so you can work to find joy in times of distress.

2 common inhibitors that can be an obstacle to your joy

1. Staying in anxious emotions

Although the physical experience of stress (rapid heartbeat, sharp thoughts) can be extremely intense, they are in fact examples feeling of avoidance. Stress is an evolutionary survival response. Our brains have evolved to worry about protecting our ancestors from taking risks and dangers. Indeed, stress serves a purpose, but if we do not consider what difficult emotions may help us to hide in order to protect our function, it cuts us off from our intuitions, pleasures, imagination and courage.

2. Judging your pleasure and what is good

Many of us have not been taught how to recognize what feels good. We specialize in understanding what “wrong” means, but because we resist innovation, our nervous system does not trust goodness until it feels less young. In fact, pleasure can be selfish, big, messy and exuberant. Many of these descriptors contradict the accepted messages about what it means to be good, such as selflessness, modesty, and kindness. Trying to is The good can prevent some from prioritizing what they really are feels Good. Know that the pursuit of joy is not a negative, forgiving pursuit, but a pursuit that you owe to yourself.

That being said, if you feel guilty about being happy when people around you are suffering, consider it an opportunity to consider your privileges and what you choose to do with them. This does not mean questioning your right to joy, but rather looking at how your uncontrollable privileges can affect the joy of others.

4 joy facilitators for use in times of sorrow

1. Feeling the feelings

We know it is healthy to feel our negative emotions, but how can we do this without opening the gates of pain? Part of what makes people feel problematic about emotions is that they believe they are facts and therefore need to be put into action. Emotions are the body’s way of communicating with us — they are signs of a better understanding of our needs and are constantly changing. While it is important to recognize all of our emotions – even annoying ones such as sadness, anger and sadness – it is not necessary to dwell on them. Releasing yourself from the weight of focusing on difficult emotions can help you find joy in times of sadness.

Many of us hide our feelings, thinking that this will allow us to function in order to fulfill family, work and social obligations, when, in fact, suppression from these emotions that hinder us. There is a difference between being partitioned (that is, having to prepare for a presentation and therefore having to hold sorrow until the end of the day) and avoiding it (never leave room for sadness at the end of the day). The more we get away from our emotions, the less we are in tune with what they are trying to tell us.

2. Observe your emotions

There is a process called titration, which allows us to immerse ourselves in the emotion without overcoming it. Even if you allow yourself three seconds to self-observe without blaming or having to take action, you create opportunities to connect with your vitality. Examples of what you may notice include:

  • The predominant sensations (acute, tension, piercing, tingling) that appear in various parts of your body
  • The size of these senses (small, large, strong)
  • The temperature of these senses (hot, cold, hot)
  • The time of day emerges
  • How long do they last?
  • Thoughts, beliefs or memories that arise with these senses (either feelings or thoughts)
  • How do you react to these thoughts, beliefs, memories

3. Sharing

The treatment occurs in combination and the pain thrives individually. Think of a person who makes you feel seen, calmed and insured. You do not need to reveal everything to this person, but pay attention to these three buckets: pleasure, pain and power. Things you can think of to share include:

  • What brings you pleasure
  • What causes pain in your heart or body
  • What makes you feel strong
  • A true thing about a wound as a means of healing it

4. Construction space for joy

Just as it is necessary to make room for pain, we must remember that joy must be approached with intent and not with passive experience. To facilitate this, consider setting aside 10 minutes a day for “dream time”. To connect with joy in this moment, contemplate a moment or a memory for which you would not change anything. Connect with the smile that extends beyond the width of your face when you think about doing your favorite thing as a child or the moment you knew you were in love. Expect that as you immerse yourself in joy in times of sorrow, the shadows will appear in parallel. Welcome them.

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