“The main manifestations of ADHD are the distraction and the inability to focus or complete tasks, which often come to play at work and at school. However, the brain is the brain all the time, not just at work or school. “So, of course, it could have an impact on your sex life,” says Anastasia Sielski Elizalde, LMSW, a psychotherapist who specializes in sexuality and gender at Express Yourself Therapy.. “Because people with ADHD often find it difficult to stay focused, being present during sex and other intimate acts can also be difficult,” he adds.
“The main manifestations of ADHD are distraction and inability to focus or complete tasks; so, of course, it could have an impact on your sex life.” —Anastasia Sielski Elizalde, LMSW
In fact, it may mean that you are struggling with certain aspects of sex, such as difficulty reaching orgasm, challenges with general intimacy, interpersonal conflicts as a result of not being able to focus on sex, and even impulsivity when it comes to sex. But whether you personally have ADHD or you have a sexual partner, none of this means that you do not have the options or strategies to secure a relationship full of pleasure and richness. Below, get expert advice to have a great sex life when you have ADHD.
5 tips from sexual health professionals on how to have a satisfying sex life when you have ADHD
1. Prioritize communication
People with ADHD tend to be bored or uninterested, says Elizalde, and while personal preferences for sexual activity vary from person to person, sometimes people with ADHD want the most stimulating or otherwise exciting element of sex to be in epicenter. So anything they feel they lack enthusiasm can lead to them losing interest, says Cyndi Darnell, a sexologist and sex therapist and author. Sex when you do not like it: The truth about libido mismatch and the rediscovery of desire.
This can lead to conflict in a relationship when a partner may want a particular activity and is left wondering why their partner is not a toy. Take, for example, the situation where a partner wants to kiss during the foreplay, but the partner who has ADHD is willing to go straight to sex.
In cases like these, Elizalde suggests making sure your lines of communication within the relationship are open. So much pain and conflict can be avoided between partners if they both understand the inner workings of ADHD and their desire. One partner can confirm that the other is not bad at kissing. they just do not like to kiss for a long time.
2. Do not be afraid to plan
People with ADHD tend to benefit from extra planning, organizational strategies, and active reminders, Darnell says — so planning sex (instead of believing it to be magical and spontaneous) can be especially helpful for people with ADHD.
This design may also apply to acts other than sexual intercourse. Darnell, for example, advises people with ADHD to set up phone reminders to say goodbye to a partner or offer physical affection. “Small daily acts of attention and affection, whether small questions, texts or touches, help build desire in a relationship,” he adds.
3. Be more aware of your risk-taking impulses
Since ADHD is related to impulsivity, being aware of its effects on a person’s sex life is vital. It may mean that they enjoy sex if there is an increased risk in the game, which could mean that they give up protection with someone they do not know well, for example.
To ensure that the tendency for dangerous and impulsive behavior does not lead to a dangerous area, sexually speaking, Elizalde suggests focusing on awareness and self-reflection, namely controlling your sexuality, what you like, what you do not like, what excites you , and what not, says Elizald. For example, if a sense of excitement is an important part of arousal for you, consider endoscopy to make sure your behaviors do not pose a risk to your health and well-being.
Separating the idea of ”exciting” from “unsafe” is important.
It is of course possible to engage in sex that causes a sense of danger without harming you. You can offer protection at a date or party where you may want to have sex, get regular checkups and talk in detail about your limits and consent before having sex with a new partner. These steps can be taken without reducing the excitement of a new encounter, and also, separating the idea of ”exciting” from “unsafe” is important, says Darnell.
4. Work with your medications
When prescribed, medications for ADHD are important and helpful to the people taking them. Although they can help you wash clothes or work – they can also be helpful in your sex life, says Elizalde. Since you may not want to take medication before bed (so you can sleep through the night), you may want to consider changing your sex time.
“Some medications can reduce a person’s sexual drive, and if that happens, it’s important to discuss it with your prescribing doctor,” says Marcy Caldwell, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and ADHD specialist. You may also find that you can focus differently during sex if you have sex in the morning or after taking your dose (whenever that may be), he adds. Therefore, consider having sex at different times, according to your treatment regimen, so that you can measure when is the best time for you.
5. Bring more innovation to the bedroom
“ADHD brains are largely driven by innovation, and therefore any way someone with ADHD can innovate in their sexuality can benefit them and keep them committed,” says Dr. Caldwell. “This can include experimenting with turns, role-playing games, adding extra partners, or even just trying out new locations.”
For example, sex toys are a great tool for people with ADHD, according to Elizalde, because they provide additional stimulation, innovation and rewarding activities. If patience for an orgasm is frustrating, try using a dildo during sex to make sure you do not ignore it. You could also use a stimulant lubricant that offers warmth or a tingling sensation if you are particularly attracted to it, says Darnell. Only the act of integrating different things into sex can be good for the ADHD brain looking for innovation.
“An affectionate, adventurous, and creative partner is also extremely helpful — someone who can make the journey of creative innovation with the individual and someone who can appreciate and enjoy the energy that the ADHD brain brings to sex,” says Dr. . Caldwell. This is an important reminder that the ways in which ADHD affects sex are not always negative and are often simply different from those of a neurotypical brain.
Creativity, confidence, curiosity and the desire to try new things are valuable qualities that you should have in many different areas of your life, including the bedroom. And, reassures Dr. Caldwell, there are many, many, people out there who would be really excited and grateful for a partner like him.
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