by The concepts of sex and pleasure may be inextricably linked, but the former does not always give birth to the latter simply by default. We all have different tastes and disgusts, sexually speaking – so learning what is legally pleasurable for you may require some experimentation. While the dominant culture has taken steps in recent years to stigmatize this active pursuit of sexual pleasure, the work is hardly being done to bridge the gender gap and celebrate its experience for all people. With that in mind, it’s time to find some tips to maximize the pleasure in your life, no matter how you identify.
In its most recent episode The Well + Good Podcastdoula’s sexuality Ev’Yan Whitney and Alexandra Fine, CEO and co-founder of Dame’s sexual pleasure tools, share their personal journeys to discover what pleasure means to them and discuss the pleasure gap, giving their advice on how we can to close it.
Listen to the full episode here:
“I would define pleasure as anything you can do that makes your body feel good,” says Whitney. “And I like that definition, because I think pleasure has become so sexual… And, yes, that’s an aspect of pleasure. But I want to remember that we have the ability to experience pleasure outside of the sexual realm. that pleasure is to feel good in our body “.
“I would define pleasure as anything you can do that makes your body feel good.” —Ev’Yan Whitney, sexuality doula
Fine agrees with Whitney, adding that when it comes to pleasure, “there are so many ways we can do it.” Do you think it sounds time consuming or that it requires a lot of effort? Whitney has some tips that you can use to redefine this pursuit as a positive opportunity and not as another job. “Listen, we are all busy. “We all have something to do,” he said. “It is possible to get one microscopic my baby to walk in the direction of your pleasure every day? ” she asks.
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Well, with the help of her and Fine’s top tips to find more pleasure, the answer is yes.
3 Tips to Find More Pleasure, According to a Sexologist and a Sexual Doula
1. Find what you find good outside of sexual activities
Although Merriam Webster’s definitions of pleasure are “a state of satisfaction” and “a source of pleasure or joy”, it is often reduced to a single source: sex. But that does not have to be the case, according to Whitney, which offers a number of areas to consider in addition to sex-focused activities.
First up? He suggests checking your wardrobe: “Do you wear clothes that feel good on your body or are tight? Do they feel rough? ” Maybe you can incorporate more items that feel soft or smooth to the touch or relaxing when worn.
Separately, you can also consider experiences that make you feel good, such as traveling, listening to music or eating a delicious bowl of pasta. Whitney advises you to ask yourself: What are the things that bring you joy, that enjoy your senses, that help your body soften? Then start from there.
2. Find out how executive you like (or dislike) being during sex
Sexual acts do not have to be performances, but they certainly can be — as long as they are something that gives you extra pleasure, rather than something you do for someone else.
“Go through the journey of being as executive as you want to be, challenging all your clippings, re-choosing how and what you want,” says Fine. “Sex is such a powerful stage of negotiation, of communication – and being able to do it well has a ripple effect.” In particular, prioritizing your own pleasure can help spark curiosity and debate about what is good. all stakeholders, which is an important component of any truly enjoyable experience.
3. Masturbate
Because it’s essentially having sex with yourself, masturbation is a powerful, low-stakes opportunity to fully explore your body, which can help you discover new love zones that can enhance your overall enjoyment. According to Fine, there is a correlation between masturbation and the satisfaction that people have in their sex life. And science supports it: A March 2022 study of more than 12,000 Finns found that the frequency of masturbation was positively correlated with overall sexual function for those identified as women.
If you find that the biggest barrier between you and a regular masturbation practice is taking the time to do so, keep in mind that pleasure is your innate right. And the simplest way to get there is to ask yourself, “What do I need right now to make my body feel good?” says Whitney.
To learn more about how to find pleasure, and how Fine and Whitney perceive a pleasure revolution, listen to full episode podcast here.
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