by HHave you ever felt that things were too good to be true with the person you are dating? At first they may have complimented you, taken care of you and, in general, made you feel as special as you are. But as soon as you felt comfortable arranging what seemed to be your new normal, your partner changed the script. You, my friend, may just be the unfortunate subject of a love bomb situation.
A love bomb refers to the form of emotional manipulation in which a person — often a narcissist — “bombs” you with excessive affection, flattery, gifts, and praise early in the relationship in order to win your relationship. attention so I can check on you. “People with narcissistic personality disorder usually have such a low sense of security that they get their self-esteem from external validation,” says Mallory Grimste, LCSW therapist. “Because they feel so out of control, they try to control others to feel better about themselves.”
But it’s hard to notice the early signs of love bombardment, as it generally occurs during a narcissist’s cycle of abuse when things are great, Grimste says. (Remember, narcissists is charming for a while.)
A love bomb refers to when a narcissist “bombs” you with excessive affection, flattery, gifts and praise early in the relationship, in order to gain your attention so that he can control you.
So below, the experts describe the love bomb signs that you should look for in any relationship. Because you certainly do not want your heart to get involved in one of these highly manipulative situations.
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1. Your partner makes you think you could do “better”
It is normal for your partner to want the best for you, but that does not mean that you criticize everything in your life in the name of “helping you”. According to licensed psychotherapist Michele Paiva, love expresses what it loves about you by placing it on a high pedestal, but when it wants more than your attention, it will bring down people or things in your life to make you believe in it. are worth more.
“It’s all in the form of a compliment to you. “For example, they will tell you that your sneakers are all wrong and they will teach you how to buy them,” says Paiva. “Their romance is based on becoming heroes of every page of their fairy tale they try to create.”
2. They say what you want to hear
A love does everything in its power to get you on its side, including telling you exactly what you want to hear, even if it means bending the truth. This form of manipulation shows that the love bomber does everything to control the situation as a way to ensure that he receives affection and attention.
3. You receive expensive gifts — and you know how much they cost
Of course, giving gifts is not inherently bad – it is, after all, one of the five languages of love. But instead of hurting you just because, a love affair will make you feel in debt. Lovers see the gift as an exchange, meaning they give to receive, says Grimste. “By telling their SO how much they spend on them, they quantify their investment and the value of the individual.
4. Compliments are not missing
Compliments are great, but when a narcissist is the one who makes them, they come at a price. “Quid pro quo is the mantra of the manipulator. “They know that if they are constantly complimenting, sooner or later, you will feel compelled to compliment them – even if you do not want to,” says Paiva.
In addition, endless compliments put you at risk of becoming dependent on the compliments themselves. “You begin to shape what they want and what they need,” says Paiva, noting that the development of this longing for worship provides love with the control that can lead to the isolation of yourself from other people in your life.
5. PDA; Too much, in fact
In addition to the constant compliments, a love hitter will probably flood you with physical and digital affection. Consider: Touching and / or using warm body language in front of your loved ones and posting romantic posts on Instagram. “They show everyone tangible evidence that you are ‘inside’ them. “This form of erotic bombardment is a device that will make you look like a jerk as soon as you try to walk away after being publicly syruped,” says Paiva.
6. Your partner may make you believe you did something wrong (when you did not)
Oh, gas. Bomb-loving narcissists use this tactic to make you feel guilty or confused. “They will make you believe that you are responsible for their poor limits or their behaviors,” says Grimste. “Since they have not developed a strong sense of self, any unpleasant feelings, such as the fear that they do not like or love them, may feel unbearable. It’s your responsibility to correct this inconvenience, he adds.
7. You are expected to offer the affection they want
They are always waiting to sit next to you, to touch you and to see you when they want. And the moment you do not reply to a text message or say that you are too tired to hang out on a given night, “they will not just get angry, but things will go to extremes,” says Grimste. “[They may] threatens to end the relationship by telling you that you do not value the relationship or, in extreme situations, threatening to hurt you, your loved ones or even themselves.
8. This feeling of walking on the shells is common
This is another sign that you are dealing with a first class narcissist who is bombarding love. Maybe you tried to set personal boundaries and your SO reacted emotionally, letting you push lightly as you went. “When the victim relaxes in showing affection to their SO who is love, the victim approves or has to deal with the dramatic in some way,” says Paiva. They will walk on egg shells because anything else will be “punished”.
Awareness of these signs of love-bombardment can help you get out of the relationship sooner rather than later. Because the truth of the matter is that if it feels too good to be true, it probably is.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, get help from the National Domestic Energy Violence Line at 1-800-899-7323 or thehotline.org.
